Having dabbled in both I can tell you with some confidence that there is significant crossover between being a Dungeon Master and walking a cat on a leash.  Perhaps not in the exact skill set you need, since you won’t be voice acting the local bartender for your cat.  Nor in preparation, as you won’t be statting out NPCs for your feline friend’s outdoor adventure. But, when it comes to managing your own expectations, oh boy are these two things alike.

I suspect that most of modern humans are familiar with the idea of walking a dog.  You can, for the most part, pick the route.  If you say, “we’re going this way,” the amiable canine will generally lope along beside or ahead of you, excitedly following the sidewalk.  This is the way. Aside from the occasional stop to sniff a thing, pee on another thing, and take a dump there aren’t a whole lot of surprises or detours.  Straight forward, kick down the door, nuts and bolts stuff.

Cats… Cats are a different story. It’s time to manage your expectations right now.

The Party Goes where it Wants

So you’ve got your little furry companion into their harness, and you’ve convinced them, through a two week schedule of bribery, and positive reinforcement that they don’t completely hate it.  You bring the little guy or gal outside to see the sights, expecting to cruise the neighborhood for adventure, and they plop down in the grass 5 feet from the door and take a nap.

I hope you brought a book.

You’ve got this sweet dungeon that you know your players are going to love.  It’s got traps, hidden backstory gems, along with some sweet treasure at the end.  It’s got everything an adventuring party might want, yet your players refuse to leave the tavern.  They’re getting drunk, playing matchmaker with some of the locals, and harassing the town guard.  They’re not going anywhere.  Just like your cat.

The Party Does what it Wants

Intelligent being that you are, you bring a book for round two.  Now the little fuzzball can nap away to their heart’s content, and you’re ready for it.  Only this time, napping is not on the agenda.  Now we’re exploring the bushes around the house, by circling through them.  There are fun and exciting smells here.  Also, the leaves make the cat invisible. What fun! Never mind that you can’t follow in there with your leash.  Tangling it up is a bonus!

You think you’ve adapted.  If the party won’t go to the dungeon, you’ll bring the dungeon to the party!  Smart plan. You play off of their harassment of the local law enforcement, and tweak the little match-making session they’ve engaged in to spark a local feud.  Now the whole town is trying to arrest them.  This should be good!

Well, it would be, except that they climb out the second story window, hop across a couple of roofs, and book it out the main gate, laughing all the while.  Their victory is made all the sweeter by the guard captain’s shouts of fury.  These shouts, by the way, are delivered in absolute earnest, since you spent quite a while building the town guard.  Hell, they have backstories!

The Party Likes what it Likes

So, your feline friend is lounging in the sun, when your neighbor comes out with a lawn chair and a novel.  There’s just one more minor detail, your neighbor is deathly allergic to cats.  Your little buddy decides that this new human is perfect and deserves all of their kitty attention.  No matter where you go, whether it’s out of sight or back inside, this insidious little monster is on a perpetual b-line for that neighbor, who wants absolutely nothing to do with them (and you, for that matter).  Wonderful.

You’ve made a villain. She’s undoubtedly evil, but with a compelling backstory that makes her understandable.  She’s the perfect adversary for your crew, designed to create a moral crisis in determining the means of her defeat.  Only the party decides not to defeat her, or even fight her.  In fact, they decide to befriend her, and maybe offer her a hand.  Even though she’s trying to kill them.

Take a deep breath, and relax.  Unlike the allergic neighbor, this character is fictitious. You can work with this.  Probably.

The Party Hates what it Hates

The little dog who lives next door is adorable.  He’s a sweet little mop of hair, and he loves making new friends.  You’ve seen him hanging out with the other cat in the neighborhood, and you know he’s got feline roommates.  This is an ideal friend for your little cuddle buddy.

The only problem is that your cuddle buddy channels the undying rage of a thousand exploding suns every time that doggo comes within a ten foot radius.  Their cute kitty face contorts into pure violence, and they erupt into what can only be described as an electrically charged murder demon.  Word to the wise, now is not the ideal time to pick up your cat.

You’ve given your players a guide to help them on their way.  You like this guide character.  You think he’s fun.  The party does not.  They hate this new addition to the game, and take every opportunity to abandon, endanger, and maybe even kill this new acquaintance.  Unlike your neighbor’s adorable dog, you can let the party have this one.  Oh no!  They’ve murdered their helpful associate!  Surely there won’t be any consequences for these actions.

The Moral of the Story

Prep yourself to roll with the punches.  Your cat won’t do what you want them to do.  That’s okay.  You’re taking the little fellow outside for his own enrichment.  Your cat was 12 years old when you got him, and his previous owners had him declawed, so he can’t explore the outside world without supervision.  Wait, that’s my cat.  Either way, he needs you there to chaperone.  Just follow him around and make sure he has fun and doesn’t die.

The same is true for your D&D group.  They’re never going to do what you want them to, and if that’s a deal breaker for you, time to quit DMing and get into writing.  Dungeons and Dragons players will often make a point of upending your perfectly laid plans.  They usually don’t do this out of spite, so try not to take it personally. They do this because something about the world you’ve built caught their interest, and they want to explore it.  That’s the part to focus on, and it’s worth more than any plans you happen to have on hand.